The Tale of the Demon Hair – Part I

house-of-horror-vintage-horror-movie-poster-www.freevitnageposters.comWhat terrified me will terrify others; and I need only describe the spectre which had haunted my midnight pillow. – Mary Shelley

It was a crisp, cool night in October.  The air was calm; the night as black as pitch.  Heidi had just finished a movie with some friends and was walking to her car, digesting the film.  It was a psychological thriller – her favorite.  Suddenly, she became aware of an ominous feeling creeping deep into her being.  As a chill pricked the hairs on the back of her neck, she shuddered and thought, you’re just uneasy from the movie, Heidi.  Get a grip.  She climbed into her car and drove away.

As she approached her house in her quiet little subdivision, the feeling of unease came back to her.  Pulling into her garage she scanned her surroundings.  J’s car was in its usual spot, nothing out of the ordinary.  The door to the side garage was closed and locked, as it should be.  Heidi crept out of her car apprehensively and ventured to her front yard.  Her street was quiet, no doubt most of her neighbors settled into bed for the night.  She could hear a dog yapping a few streets over and the faint hum of cars off in the distance.  Hers was the only house on her block with a light on inside – the kitchen light, which J always left on for Heidi when she came home after dark.  There were no creepy noises, or frightening shadows, or suspicious characters clad in trench coats.  Everything was peaceful.  You’re ridiculous, thought Heidi as she breathed a sigh of relief.

“Hi dear,” Heidi called as she stepped inside.  She kicked her shoes off next to the door and reached down to pet Casey cat, who was eagerly awaiting her return.  Silence.  J must be asleep, Heidi thought.  She made her way through the kitchen and down the hallway to the bedroom.  “Babe, I’m home,” she said.  Nothing.  She fumbled in the dark for her bedside lamp.  As she clicked the light on, she realized the bed was empty.  Alright.  No reason to panic, Heidi assured herself.  She sat down on the bed and took a deep breath.  Pulling her cell phone out of her pocket, she searched for any missed calls or texts from J.  Maybe he was filling in on someone’s volleyball team, or maybe he caught up with a friend for a drink.  She called his cell phone to find out.

BZZZZZZZZ! “This is not for yooooouuuuu!” BZZZZZZZZZZZZ! “This is not for yooooouuuuuu!”

Heidi jumped at the sudden, piercing noise, falling off the bed and landing hard on the floor.

BZZZZZZZZ! “This is not for yoooooouuuu!”

Pearl Jam ringtone.  It was J’s cell phone, sitting on his bedside table.  Heidi flung herself across the bed and silenced the phone.  Ok, what the fuck, Heidi thought.  She stood up, momentarily paralyzed with fear.  No, no, no.  Don’t get crazy, Heidi.  He just left and…forgot his phone, she thought.  Except J never forgot his phone.  And he always told her where he was going.  Before she could truly start to concoct some wild image of home invasion, or aliens, or spontaneous combustion she heard him.

“I’m in here,” J said in a low and quiet tone, the haunted words floating from the bathroom.  Heidi rushed in to find him kneeling in the shower.  The room was dark except for a pale glow coming from the small window above the shower.  His back was to her.

“Hi, babe.  What, uh…  Whatcha doing, there?” Heidi asked, skeptically.  J didn’t respond.

“Babe?”  She started towards him.

“It was awful,” he said in a monotone voice.  Heidi knelt beside him.  In the pale light she could see that he was expressionless, his eyes fixed on the shower drain.  Her heart pounded as she placed a hand gently on his shoulder.  He shivered at her touch.

“What, babe?  What’s the matter?  What happened?” she guided gently.

“I –  The drain.  It…it was clogged, so I opened it up,” he said.  Heidi waited for the rest, but J did not speak.

“Ok…  And?” she persisted.

“It was unlike anything I’ve ever seen.  Like a nightmare come true.  I – I couldn’t get it out, so I snaked the drain as far down as I could.  It was…stuck, but then —  H-h-hair.  Jet black.  So much hair.  Oh the horror!  THE HORROR!!!” he screamed. He had gone from comatose to terrified.

“Hair?  You pulled hair out of the shower drain?  Are you fucking KIDDING me?!?!?” Heidi shrieked.  “That’s what this is about, some fucking hair?!?!?  Don’t scare me like that, you asshole!”

“You don’t understand.…” his voice trailed off as he trembled on the floor.

“Ok, I think you’re being dramatic — ”

“NO!!!  Babe, I swear, I thought the creepy little girl from The Ring was going to start inching her way out of our shower drain!” He exclaimed, on his feet now.  “I saved it!  I threw it in the trash in the kitchen.  I’ll show you!”

J rushed past Heidi, making his way to the kitchen trash can.  She followed him, rolling her eyes, bewildered that a little bit of hair could cause such a commotion.  What a big baby, she thought.  J rummaged through the trash.  No sign of the hair.  He slowly looked up at Heidi; fear filled his eyes.

“It’s not —  I swear, Heidi, it was RIGHT HERE!” he shrieked.

“Dude, are you high?” Heidi asked.  He snorted at her, clearly offended. “Seriously, though, are you on something?”

“No, I’m not fucking ‘on something’!” he replied.

“Well, maybe you were dreaming,” Heidi offered.

“Heidi, I wasn’t even in bed yet.  I wasn’t asleep, so I couldn’t have dreamed it!  Get your head out of your ass!!” J snapped.

“Woah, woah, woah, babe.  Ease up.  I’m just trying to help.  But this –  This is ridiculous.”

“I’m not making this up.  It was right here.”

“Let’s just got to bed.  I’m tired, and I’m guessing you are, too.  We’ll figure it out in the morning.”


 What was that, Heidi thought as her eyes fluttered open.  The only thing she could make out in the dark bedroom was the time on the clock – 2:36 AM.  She shuffled her covers and fluffed her pillows.  As soon as her head hit the pillow she felt the covers move.  One of the cats had gotten into bed.  A warm sensation came over her feet as the cat made itself cozy.  What is that smell, thought Heidi.  It reeked!  Probably J, as he was notorious for his pungent flatulence.  The covers rustled again.  Heidi sat up and reached down to shift the cat, but as she felt around…no cat was to be found.  She laid back down, confused and sleepy.  Just then, she felt a slow warmth creep up feet to her ankle.  But it wasn’t just warmth.  It took her a few seconds to realize that the warmth was also slimy…and slithering past her ankles to her calf.  She flung the covers off her and darted out of bed.  She fumbled for a second as she flipped on the bedside lamp.  Her heart was racing.  That was no cat, she thought.  It was a snake.  I had to be a snake.  How the shit did a snake get in my house?

“J,” Heidi hissed.  “J, wake up!  I think there’s a snake in the bed!”

“Garg urgh whaaat?” J moaned, barely cognizant.

“Seriously, I just felt something on my leg.  Get up!!” Heidi shrieked.  She pulled the covers all the way off the bed and started examining them.  She shook them out and reached for the sheets to do the same.

“Babe, what the hell are you doing?” J asked, more alert this time.

“J.  Focus!  Snake…in our house…in our bed!  Help me find it!”

This seemed to startle J, and suddenly he was wide awake.  He sprung out of bed and started ferociously shaking the sheets.  No sign of a snake.  They looked at each other across the bed.  J smirked at her.

“Now who’s crazy?” he snickered.

“Oh for Christ’s sake, J!  There was no goddamn hair monster!” yelled Heidi.

“Oh yeah?  Well I sure as hell don’t see a snake in the bed.  Do you?” he asked, grinning at her.  He paused a beat, then in the most smart-ass of tones, “Are you high?”  She squinted her eyes at him, lasers surely aiming to zap him to dust.  He plopped down on the bed triumphantly and kicked back with hands behind his head.  He looked mighty proud in the naked bed, propped up on his pillow of victory.  He laid there a minute, and said, “Could you…  Would you mind putting the covers back on the bed?  I’m a little bit –“

There was no time to react.  It had slithered out of the pillow case and wrapped itself around J’s neck and face.  Heidi screamed and fell backwards, hitting her head on the wall.  J hopped to his knees, choking and spitting as he tried to pry the creature from his throat.  Heidi sat for a moment, panic-stricken at the sight before her.  She had to move.  She leaped to her feet and lunged at J’s head.  With both hands on the beast, she pulled and yanked as hard as she could.  It was no use.  The creature was too slimy.  And that smell!  It stung her eyes and burned her nostrils.  Without thinking, she ran to the kitchen and grabbed the butcher knife.  Wait, she thought, I can’t use this on J!  I’ll cut his face off!  Cut.  Cut?  CUT!!!!  Exactly!  She grabbed the scissors out of the drawer and darted back to the bedroom.  J’s face was beat red with the violet hue of asfyxiation.  Heidi ran to him and yanked at the creature until she could get the blades between it and J’s neck.  She smashed the scissors down as hard as she could.  A high pitch screech erupted from the creature, startling Heidi.  The creature was tough, and the scissors would not cut it, but still Heidi clamped down.  Spitting and screeching, the creature finally let go.  J dropped to the bed, half conscious.  The creature lay there for a second, and then slithered off out of the bedroom.

“Oh my God!  Are you ok?  BABE?!?!?!” Heidi cried.  She held his head in her lap, thankful he was alive.  He gasped for air, and after some time sputtering and coughing the red in his face subsided.

“I’m fine,” he finally managed.  “What the FUCK…” cough, cough “…kind of snake was that?!?!?”  Heidi was breathing heavy and a solemn look appeared on her face as she met his eyes.

“It wasn’t a snake,” she said.  “You were right.  I should have listened to you…”

“Wait, are you saying –“

“It was the hair.”




Flashback Friday – Memories of High School Homecoming

Circa 2002

Circa 2002

It was like any other drive home from work.  I turned into my subdivision with the same triumphant feeling I always have: the victory of surviving another work day…and the traffic.  As I slowed to an appropriate “subdivision safe” speed, I saw something out of the ordinary.

Look at all those kids.  I wonder what they’re doing.  Wait, they’re building something.  What is that?  *gasp*  It’s a homecoming float!

Y’all know by now it doesn’t take much to excite me.  It also doesn’t take much to trigger memories.  Pretty much every song, every place, every picture, every THING!  It’s as simple as driving down my street rocking out to some 90s on 9 and seeing the Oakville boys hockey team building a homecoming float.  The next thing you know, I’m at my house attempting to perform my high school fight song.

Yes, that time of year is upon us.  The time of pep rallies and bonfires.  The time of parades, float building, and crowning teenage royalty.  Communities proudly sport flags and banners and window chalk in the colors of their hometown high school.  The time of friendly rivalries fueled between schools and towns, each in support of defeating the other on the football field.  Cheerleaders will be tossed through the air while dance teams move and shake and turn and split.  The marching band and flag team pull out all the stops with half-time shows that usually generate standing ovations.  And the football players…  They play their guts out in hopes of tackles, touchdowns, field goals, and ultimate victory.  Homecoming dances are held in gymnasiums with much rump shaking and gyrating.  Young love blossoms; memories are made.

As you know I grew up in a small town, so perhaps my visions of homecoming are different from most.  If you grew up in a small town then you probably know what I’m talking about.  You probably also know how horrendous those small-town high schools can be sometimes.  Mine was no different.  But, no matter how terrible high school could sometimes be, I always LOVED homecoming week.

I was a cheerleader in high school, and homecoming week was non-stop fun.  I loved everything about it!  From the themed days of spirit week (school color day, pajama day, hat day) to the pep rally on Friday, the parade after that, and the football game that night.  I was always a pretty good cheerleader, but homecoming was my forte.

I remember how good I felt when I put on that cheerleader uniform.  I felt like I belonged to something really great and for once I felt like people took notice.  I felt significant.  I remember the anticipation of each day, because it was one day closer to Friday.  We practiced every day for hours on end, perfecting our cheers and routines.  Even after that, banners had to be made and little “good luck” gifts had to be given to the football players.  My evenings were spent fluffing pom poms instead of doing homework, which I would regret later in life, but…  Who cares?!?!?!?!?  Football games!  Cheerleading!  RAH RAH RAH!!!!!!

The Friday of homecoming was the BEST day all year.  My poor mother could NEVER get me out of bed to get ready for school, but that day she didn’t even have to try.  Hell, I might have been up before her!  I couldn’t wait to put on that blue and gold pep dress and strut my stuff down the halls of North County High School – bow perfect, ponytail curled and fluffy, lip gloss generously applied.  In my mind I.was.the.shit!  Finally it would be time for the pep rally, and always my cheer squad would nail our routine.  Our motions were sharp, and our girls seemed to fly higher than ever before.  And EVERYONE was on their feet when we led the crowd in the “year cheer” (’03, ’03, oh oh oh oh ooooohhhh 3!).

After that, the homecoming parade would take place in my small hometown and the neighboring town, which comprised my school district.  The popular girls who had been nominated for homecoming queen would sit with their escorts in the back seats of convertibles and wave to the onlookers.  The floats each class had worked so hard on sailed down the streets of our community, the little ones watching in awe as they passed by.  The cheerleaders marched in time with the band, stopping only a handful of times to perform a small cheer or execute a toss to wow the kiddos.  Looking back on it now, I wonder if it really was as grand as I thought it was then.

I will always remember the rush of the football game beneath the Friday night lights.  The boys in blue would barrel down the track and through the banner, spilling out onto the field greeted by a multitude of cheering spectators.  I remember how loud the stadium (if you could call it that) got when the ball was kicked-off, and feeling that we must be the loudest fans in all of EVER!  I remember not knowing shit about football, but I knew what it looked like when the guy I sat next to in chemistry suddenly broke free and ran down field to the end zone.  TOUCHDOWN!!!!  And everyone went crazy!  The crowd was high-fiving and basking in the glory that was most of their alma mater.  The marching band was on their feet pumping out some familiar “in yo face” tune.  And there I was, yelling and screaming my head off.  For why?  I didn’t really know, because I didn’t really know football.  I just knew it was good and that my kicks were fucking perfect.

Half-time was almost as important as the game itself.  A senior girl was crowned homecoming queen and adored by all.  The class floats that all of us had labored on were paraded one last time down the track in front of the crowd.  The senior float always won the title of best float, as it should be (as it will always be).  Then the dance team would take the field and annihilate a routine – a routine you could tell they put heart and soul into, not to mention hours of practice and perfection.  Last, the marching band would blow everyone out of the water with the best songs, the best formations, and the best flag spinning I have ever seen in my life!  Like I said earlier, it was always the kind of routine that warranted a standing ovation.

After we won (my memory is only of winning, though I’m sure we lost some, too), the dance would take place in the commons area of our high school.  Unlike most schools, we did not have a formal homecoming dance.  It was a casual dance where everyone could go – date or no date – and dance the night away.  After that, who knows….  Bonfires, cruising, partying…  *sigh*  Nobody wanted it to end, but sadly it always did.

So to those of you who are participating in homecoming – student, parent, or alumni – I hope you enjoy every minute of it.  To my alma mater – the North County Raiders – and my new town – the Oakville Tigers –  I wish you a righteous victory.  Sorry I will not be there to cheer you on, but…  C’mon!  The St. Louis Cardinals are in the playoffs!  Tonight, my color is cardinal red!

Let’s go birds!!!!


*For those of you wondering if I still remember my high school fight song routine the answer is no.  Just all kinds of NOPE!  Not only that, but my kicks are no longer fucking perfect.  I’m lucky if I can kick past my waist.  If I do kick higher than that, then please…call the paramedics because I probably tore every leg muscle I have!*