Fashion Menopause

So there I was, at the ma7955568316_d3086536c4_bll, killing time while waiting to meet a friend for dinner.  I got a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks, bought some candles from Bath & Body Works, and did my usual circuit around Macy’s.  My friend was still 30 minutes away.  What the hell, I thought.  I’ll go check out some of the stores I used to frequent in my younger years.  My experience went something like this:

[Walks into Forever 21; proceeds to browse.]

Floral bodysuit?  Like the kind I wore when I was a kid in the 90s with snaps in the crotch?  Those were AWFUL!  Super cute, but I couldn’t wear this!  I don’t know if it would push in my love handles or accentuate them…

8, 364 likes.  On a see-through t-shirt.  Hmmm…  I’m not that popular.  Or that tan.  OR that thin.

That’s a cute shirt –   Oh wait.  Nope, that’s a dress.  JESUS!  That wouldn’t cover half my ass-cheeks!

[Walks out of Forever 21; slightly bewildered.]

[Walks into Charlotte Russe; proceeds to browse.]

There’s some cute cardigans I could pull off.  Maybe just on the weekends, though.

More bodysuits!  What’s with that?  Do the youngsters really dig this shit?  Maybe bodysuits are more comfortable these days…

Wow.  Lots of acid wash.  Would I look good in acid wash?  Please, Heidi.  Nobody wants to see that.

Lots of cute shoes.  No size 10s.  Pft!  Go figure…

[Walks out of Charlotte Russe; sighs.]

[Walks into Body Central; stands in the entrance.]

Hell. No.

[Walks out of Body Central; shaking my head.]

Here’s the thing, friends.  I’m almost 30, and I’m finally coming out of that age where you’re too old for the things you used to wear, but not quite old enough for the things the generation ahead of you wears.  This is also known as “fashion menopause”.  I mean, I would look ridiculous in a “#YOLO” high/low tank top with coordinating bandeau top and high-waisted shorts.  On the other hand, I would feel ridiculous in a Ralph Lauren polo and St. John’s Bay khakis.

But believe it or not, there are plenty of stores for late 20s/early 30s women in fashion limbo.  I’m in the process of testing these waters and have found that it’s not as bad as I thought it would be.  I can accept my age, know that I still feel young, but don’t look 23 anymore (c’mon though; I don’t think I look that old either).  Even if I had Jennifer Aniston’s legs and Pink’s abs, I still think I would call it quits on the stores of my younger years.  But, ultimately, if it looks good and feels good, then wear what you want!

#YOLO, right?

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