MTV’s Video Music Awards – A Review

I have to be honest.  I didn’t watch the VMAs on  Sunday night along with the rest of the world.  I spent the day playing with my godson and then spent the evening watching Dexter.  But, when I heard all the commotion the next day about the show, I just had to see for myself (I ended up watching the replay on Monday night).  My conclusion?  Well, let’s take it from the top.

Lady Gaga – A-


It’s no secret that I’m a HUGE fan of Lady Gaga.  Say whatever you want about her, but the woman can sing; the woman can play multiple instruments.  I’ve seen it.  She’s the real deal.

As for her performance, she was fabulous!  What I loved the most about it was how toned down it was.  Now, let me be clear – I LOVE her crazy, over-the-top performances!  They are always entertaining, spectacular, and often a bit controversial.  If you’ve ever seen her live you would enjoy every minute of it.  Though I love it, I think sometimes the spectacle she puts on overpowers her true talent.  That’s why I loved her performance on the VMAs.  There are some of you out there that probably think she was still nuts, what with the whole nun thing and the 5 different costume changes, but let’s think about it.  She had a more natural face, no extravagant props, her back-up dancers were clad in normal attire, and she sounded effing awesome!

The only thing I didn’t like was the song.  I hate “Live For the Applause”.  She can do better.  Also, homegirl rocked the shell bikini (and looked better baring all than some others we’ll discuss later), but I would have much rather seen her in the audience in some crazy-ass dress than in the g-string.  Love you, Mama Monster!

Best Pop Video

“Locked Out of Heaven” – Bruno Mars
“We Can’t Stop” – Miley Cyrus
“Mirror” – Justin Timberlake
“Come and Get It” – Selena Gomez – WINNER
“Carry On” – Fun.

My pick – “Love Somebody” by Maroon 5.

Robin Thicke/Miley Cyrus/2 Chainz – D-

What the hell is she doing with her tongue?  Wow, that’s a fucking hideous costume!  It looks like a gangsta 80’s cartoon gone wrong!

Those were my immediate thoughts as Miley began her performance. It was horrible!  She didn’t even sound good, which is pretty sad because she has an amazing voice!  She has a lot of potential and I hope one day she puts it to better use.

I will say this, though.  Are you really that shocked?  IT’S THE MTV VMAs, PEOPLE!!!  This is not the first time – nor will it be the last – that somebody has done something vulgar and shocking on stage.  The Britney/Madonna kiss of 2003.  Lady Gaga’s meat dress of 2010.  Diana Ross feeling up Lil’ Kim in 1999.  I’m not saying it’s right, but it’s MTV for shit’s sake.  Celebrities might be throwing sex in our faces, but MTV is their mighty vessel.  And, whether you liked her performance or not, you were all talking about it, which is exactly what Miley wanted.


As far as Robin Thicke goes, I just wish Miley wasn’t part of it.  It was his song and his moment.  Get the hell off stage, Miley!  I’m not sure her absences would have made much difference, though.  The couple of times I’ve heard him live, he’s really not that great.  I love the song “Blurred Lines”, but it has the potential to be a one-hit wonder.  I’m afraid the only person he’ll have to top is himself, which is easier said than done.  I also happen to think he’s a pretty handsome dude, but I couldn’t help but want to scream “Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!!!” at the screen when I saw him.  What was with that?


In all the dancing was below average, the singing was terrible, and the costumes were fucking awful (a mix of teddy bears/football pads/cotton candy girl?).  I don’t know why expected anything more, though.  Have you seen their music videos?  Not much creativity.  Not much hope for these artists.

Best Hip Hop Video

“Can’t Hold Us” – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis WINNER
“Started From the Bottom” – Drake
“F—— Problems” – A$AP Rocky ft. 2 Chainz, Drake, and Kendrick Lamar
“Power Trip” – J. Cole
“Swimming Pools (Drank)” – Kendrick Lamar

My pick – “Can’t Hold Us” – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

Kanye West – B


I’ve never really been a fan of Kanye.  Sure, I like some of his songs, but for the most part I don’t really care for his music and I really can’t stand him.  However, he did a great job during his song “Blood on the Leaves”.  I liked the shadow thing, but I wonder what it looked like from the crowd.  I’m guessing not the same at all.  He has a really powerful voice, but I almost wish I could have heard it sans the voice synthesizer, as cool as it was.  He danced, he sang, and he didn’t act like an ass, so kudos to you, Kanye!  That’s really all I have to say about that one…

Best Female Video

“I Knew You Were Trouble” – Taylor Swift WINNER
“We Can’t Stop” – Miley Cyrus
“Heart Attack” – Demi Lovato
“Just Give Me A Reason” – Pink ft. Nate Ruess
“Stay” – Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko

My pick – “Just Give Me A Reason”

Justin Timberlake – A+


Where do I begin?!?!?  I mean…WOW!!!  I was absolutely blown away by his performance!

I liked the montage of his music videos that played before he began singing.  It brought me back, though for the sake of this review I did my best to keep my 13-year-old self at bay.  Initially, I could have done without the scenes in the lobby, but from his first note to the stellar back-up crew, I knew I was in for a treat.  And I was right.  Opening with “Sexy Back”, the crowd was immediately on their feet.  There they stood/danced/partied for the next 10 minutes.  J.T. and crew never missed a beat of dance and the groove was definitely in the air.  Other songs such as “Senorita”, “Rock Your Body”, and “Cry Me A River” among others had Selena Gomez and T. Swift on their feet singing along.  Will Smith and family knew every word to every song, Lady Gaga and crew were dancing and cheering, and even One Direction had to pause and pay homage to the man who helped pave the way for their future success. Besides being a little off-key during “My Love”, it couldn’t have been any better.

Until it got better…

Right before my eyes, all members of NSYNC appeared on stage, looking better than they every have, sounding like they were fresh on the music scene, and dancing as if they had never left.  Needless to say, I could no quiet my teenage heart.  As if it were only yesterday, I was sitting on my bed trying to decide which one I would marry, singing along with all the songs, and gushing to my besties via Facebook.  *sigh*  You made my night, guys!


Overall, Justin’s was the best performance of the night.  He is a truly talented individual and seems to be a pretty genuine guy.  I especially love that no matter how famous he has become, he remembers that he wouldn’t have gotten as far as he did without the combined talents “…of those four men” (his fellow NSYNC bandmates).  He absolutely deserved the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard award, and anyone who thinks otherwise should prove to me who deserves it more.  You said it best, Jimmy Fallon: President of Pop indeed!!!

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis – A


Justin Timberlake was a tough act to follow, but Macklemore pulled it off.  Their set up might have been very simple, but their message in the song “Same Love” was a powerful one.  I love this song.  I loved the performances by Mary Lambert and Jennifer Hudson.  It was just beautiful.  The world should take a second and listen to the message.  What a great performance!

Drake – C+


I have to be honest here.  I don’t really know any songs by Drake.  I know this one, but that’s a weird story in itself.  The performance was good.  Drake definitely kept the energy up and – like other performances of the evening – went with a simplistic approach.  I thought the random fire pops were…random.  And weird.  He probably could have done without those.  But, I liked it?  He sounded good?  I don’t.  It just really wasn’t my thing…

Best Male Video

“Mirrors” – Justin Timberlake
“Locked Out of Heaven” – Bruno Mars WINNER
“Lego House” – Ed Sheeran
“Swimming Pools (Drank)” – Kendrick Lamar
“Blurred Lines” – Robin Thicke

My pick – “Mirrors” – Justin Timberlake

Bruno Mars – A

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Bruno Mars is one of the best performers out there.  Whether you like his music or not, the man can SING!!!  The light show was awesome, and I’m sure it was an even better sight to witness firsthand.  I simply cannot get enough of Bruno Mars.  He won’t be going anywhere any time soon, world.  Voices like that don’t come around too often.  * I wish there was more for me to say, but I honestly got so caught up in his performance that I forgot to take notes!*

Video of the Year

“Thriftshop” – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
“Mirrors” – Justin Timberlake WINNER
“Locked Out of Heaven” – Bruno Mars
“Blurred Lines” – Robin Thicke
“I Knew You Were Trouble” – Taylor Swift

My pick – “Mirrors” – Justin Timberlake

Katy Perry – A

2013 MTV Video Music Awards - Show

I couldn’t hear her at first, but it didn’t take that much away from her performance (for me anyway).  Katy Perry is hit or miss with me.  I like “Teenage Dream” and “E.T.”, but “Firework” and “I Kissed A Girl” just annoy the shit out of me.  For me, “Roar” is a hit.  It was a very cute performance and once I could hear her, she sounded really great.  You go girl!  Way to rock the VMAs!

Final Thoughts

*Selena Gomez was stunning!  Best dress of the evening in my opinion.
*I’m really digging this sassy new Taylor Swift (yes, we saw you say “shut the f— up” when Harry Styles was on stage).  For her to be so honest as to call out the well-known ex who inspired “I Knew You Were Trouble” was mighty refreshing.  This Taylor Swift probably would have beaten Kanye West with her moon man in 2009 when he claimed she didn’t deserve the Best Female Video award.  Stay classy, keep it sassy, girl!
*I’m in love with long locks on Jared Leto.  Please don’t cut it…
*I felt like there were more categories in the past…
*Miley Cyrus should probably fire her costume designer.  Now, on top of being the biggest nugget of gossip, there are a ton of unflattering photos of her ass.  It just goes to show you – big or small – there are just some things that should stay on the hanger, ladies.

What were your thoughts?


Did You Hear What Heidi Did?

facepalm_ernieEveryone has a dumbass friend.  This person might look different from group to group, but the uniting factor remains the same.  You sometimes wonder how they function.  You wonder if someone conducted experiments on their brain or if they were recently exposed to radiation.  Who says those things?  Who does that?  You think one day you’ll eventually sever ties with them because their antics will be too absurd to deal with anymore.  But, they’re just so stupid you’d almost feel guilty about leaving them to fend for themselves.  And, the dumbass friend does not exist exclusively in those who are mentally questionable.  Oh no!  The dumbass friend is sometimes the guy who is a complete douche, but honestly thinks he’s charming.  Or perhaps your dumbass friend is the girl who is absolutely brilliant, yet always seems to be attracted to the shit-head losers.   No matter what that person looks like in your life, I think it’s safe to say everyone can relate.

To my friends, I’m sure the dumbass friend looks a lot like me, since as of late I have become a complete and total dumbass.  I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me!  It’s like pod people have sucked out my brain and left me with a facsimile that more closely resembles the brain of a goldfish.  The worst part about my newfound dumbassness is that it seems to come in waves.  Lately, it seems to happen on my friends’ special occasions where one is typically expected to get their shit together; the occasions where you’re actually supposed to come through for your friend, not completely fuck everything up.  I ALWAYS USED TO BE THAT AWESOME FRIEND!!!  But, oh no…  I now bear the title of moron, idiot, dipshit, and – of course – dumbass.

|My most recent  anecdote…|

About a week ago was my friend Kori’s baby shower.  I was exceptionally excited for this baby shower because Kori was a girl who always said she would never have kids.  Kori always wanted to be the fun aunt to her friend’s and families kids and live a quiet happy life with her Jack Russell Terrier.  But things change, and so do people.  Now suddenly she’s an excited mommy-to-be.  Now all of a sudden I’m attending her baby shower.  Her baby shower!!!  Like everyone else, I wanted to get her something she needed, but also something she would love.  While I was shopping for her event, I came across the cutest little sleeper!  It was white with little monkeys and bananas on it, and an adorable monkey face over the chest.  I must have squealed with delight because everyone in the baby section was staring at me.  *A more likely scenario is that I was so overcome by all the cutesy baby shit that I blacked out and started hysterically laughing/ “awwwwww”ing/sobbing uncontrollably.*  When it came time to open the gifts and mine was selected, I waited with anticipation.  I couldn’t remember what I got her, but whatever it was I had a strange feeling I might have rubbed it all over my face whilst lying on the floor in the diaper aisle confessing my love for babies.  *I’m 93% sure I’m kidding.*  When Kori pulled the gift from the bag my mind was jarred.  Ah, yes.  The monkeys!  But…wait.  I suddenly noticed something I hadn’t before.  What does that say?

“Oh.  ‘Awesome Brother’.  Hmmm….  Didn’t notice that when I bought it…” I said.

It was Kori’s first baby.

|…and the time when I…|

 My dear friend Megan is getting married in September to a pretty spectacular guy.  Delighted in love – as I am in babies – I decided that she needed something really special for her bridal shower.  Sure, I got her a few things off her registry, but she has always been a good friend to me and dammit she deserves the best!  I knew just what to do…

My inspiration came from Pinterest, and since I had already made one for a friend of mine, I knew it wouldn’t be too difficult to accomplish.

A Heidi original I made for a friend last year.

A Heidi original I made for a friend last year.

Really cute, huh?  I knew I wanted to do something like this for Megan and her fiancé, Bob, but I wanted it to be unique to them.  So – being brilliant and all – I decided instead of the different prints, I would use black and white pictures of them.  What a fabulous idea!  Someday I might even make one for myself!  I got right to it.  I made prints of the darling couple, bought the rest of my materials, and went to work.

To make a long story short, I had been out with my friend Lewy that day celebrating her brother’s graduation.  I’m not going to lie: there was alcohol involved.  We wanted to continue drinking that evening, but I knew I had to finish Megan’s gift since the bridal shower was the next day.  No worries, I thought.  I’ll just force Lewy to help and we’ll get it done that much quicker…and it will be that much better…

While I was measuring out perfect little squares, Lewy suggested that it might be better if the pictures had a free-form cut so the project would turn out more like a collage.  I agreed, and we began to cut and paste.  After we were finished, I left the project on the dining room table to dry and set.  I didn’t end up going out with Lewy.  I stayed home and went to bed.

The next morning I woke up and went to the dining room to marvel at my masterpiece.  But instead of joy, I was filled with dread.  Somehow, during the drying process, some of the pictures had slid out of their place.  Pictures were overlapping and covering faces and in some areas and the wooden background was exposed.  Quickly, I tried to fill in the exposed parts with Sharpie or scraps of pictures.  I tried my best to move the migrated photos back to their original spots, but some just wouldn’t budge.  I did the best I could, and I didn’t think it looked too bad, so I decided I would go ahead and give it to them.  It needed one last thing, though, and that task was assigned to my boyfriend, J, so I could get ready for the shower.  All it needed was the letter placed in the center of the frame.  He accepted the challenge and even wrapped it for me.

It was a beautiful day for a shower and everything was perfect.  There were tons of friends and family out to celebrate the happy couple.  When it came time for gifts, I waited with anticipation for Megan to open mine.  She opened the smaller one first, which were kitchen gifts I had gotten her from their registry, and then moved on to the big one (the collage).  As the paper was torn off she was instantly ecstatic, but then her smile turned into laughter.  That’s when I saw for the first time the finished product.  Not only did my touch-up job look like complete shit (it almost looked worse than before), but my dear, sweet, J had glued the letter on the frame completely off-center AND crooked.

*I’m sorry I don’t have a picture of this.  I had to leave right after the gift was opened, which is a good thing because I probably would have left out of sheer embarrassment anyway.  I’m also not sure I told Megan all of this, so I might not be invited to her wedding anymore.  Which reminds me, I need to RSVP…*

|…but it started with this.|

Oh, Sunny!  You are one of my favorite people in the whole world, I thought, looking at a picture of her finished nursery for baby T.  Had the time already come for her to become a mommy?  It seemed as if only yesterday we were discussing future baby bliss, and now here she was…  All pregnant and happy and with a DARLING gray-themed nursery to welcome home a beautiful human being – a human being that will inevitably be completely awesome!  And I loved that they were naming the baby after her husband, T.J.  I was just so overjoyed I could burst.

The day of the shower arrived, and I – being the procrastinator that I am – still had not bought Sunny’s gift.  But, no worries.  The mall was on my way to the baby shower and I had plenty of time to stop.  It all seemed perfect in my head, but things in my life rarely work out the way my bubble-head brain imagines.  Here’s the run-down of the events that led to my epic failure:

*I left my house and went to the mall to buy awesome auntie Heidi gifts for baby T, but realized that I didn’t have any form of payment.  No cash, no check, and an expired debit card.  Even if I did have my checkbook (yeah right, who carries that with them anymore) it was Sunday, so it’s not like I could have gone and cashed a check or even gotten any money from the ATM.

*I drove back home to borrow money from J, which would surely set me back at least 45 minutes.

*As I was heading out the door, a dog came bumbling up my steps and onto my porch.  He was very excited to see me.  I looked up to see who the mutt belonged to and saw a red-faced, out-of-breath man trotting down the street.  “I’ll hold him for you,” I yelled to the man, who could not respond for fear he might pass out.  Clearly this sweet put had taken his owner for quite the chase.

*The dog proceeded to pee on my foot.

*After the canine was safely in the hands of his grateful owner, I went back inside to change shoes/wash my feet.  Yet another setback.

*Got to the mall and completely changed my mind about what I wanted to get.  I opted for some Cardinal’s onesies for baby T, so he could be looking fly for the Cardinal’s games.  If only baby T was a girl, I thought!  There were the cutest pink Cardinal’s onesies…  I paid for my gift and hit the road.

The shower was about 45 minutes away from my house, but I was making good time for being late.  Right then, I got a text from my friend Valerie.  The poor girl had locked her keys in her car and was going to be even later than I was.  That sucks, I thought.  She’s probably having a worse day than I am. It was right after this that I decided I better take a look at the invitation to make sure my navigation was taking me to the right place.  That’s when…I saw it.

“F%@$!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I yelled!  That bright-ass pink invitation announcing the birth of a BABY GIRL could not have been more obvious.  And yet, my dumbass didn’t notice it until I was damn near pulling up to my destination.

Once at the shower, I was greeting by tons of mutual friends and the party was exceptional!  Sunny always said she would have a “classy” shower – none of those cutesy baby games or stupid pastel colors.  No, she would have wine and presents and – no matter how swollen her feet were – she would not be caught dead in anything less than fabulous heels.  Everything was perfect…until I walked through the door.  I greeted the familiar faces and then pulled my friends aside to explain what I had done.

“Um…I kinda f*@#ed up,” I said.  “I thought baby T was a boy.”

They laughed at me, and when they finally stopped laughing…they laughed some more.  I was mortified.  How could I be so damn stupid?!?!?!?!?  Baby T was short for Tessa, not T.J.  I couldn’t not giver her a gift, but giving here a baby’s boys present would be worse.  But…  Being that it’s Sunny – wonderful Sunny with an optimists attitude and a great sense of humor – my friends convinced me that I should give her the gift anyway.  She’d think it was hilarious and she’d love it no matter what.

Presents were opened and oooh’s and awww’s were uttered.  Finally it came time to open the last present, which I made sure was mine.  I couldn’t even watch her open the gift.  The room suddenly got silent and I could feel everyone’s eyes on me.  Suddenly, there was an eruption of laughter.  Not just from Sunny, but everyone in the room was hysterical.  I tried to remain serious, but I couldn’t.  I lost it.  We were all busting a gut for about a minute or two.  Sunny was laughing so hard she was crying, and I was just crying.

*Dumbass.  I’m just shaking my head to myself right now.  I’m glad it makes for great stories.  I’m glad everyone had a good laugh.  I’m also really glad it gave me something to write about.  But, I still hold a lot of guilt in my heart over these things.  It’s easy to disguise these actions with humor, but the feelings still remain the same.  I am an asshole.

Kori, Megan, Sunny…  I know that apologized a thousand times for what I did; for my ultimate let-downs.  But – to me – even one more won’t be enough.  I want you ladies to know that I love you so much, though my complete lack of thought reveals otherwise.  I am so sorry that I didn’t come through for you on your big days.  I hope that you can look back on this and laugh, but I also hope you know how very bad I feel.  I vow to do better for you ladies from now on.  Thank you for letting me a part of your special days, and thanks for being such wonderful friends.  Perhaps the best I can give to you now is to be a better friend myself.*